A few years back I attempted a blog to practice writing satire: The Befuddler. It was short-lived, neglected, and unappreciated, much like David Caruso's film career. (O Befuddler! Please forgive me for treating you so poorly. It definitely wasn't you. It was me!) Every so often, I will repost some of The Befuddler's greatest hits here on this blog. You've been warned.
***** *****
I was just reading an article about climate change. I know, I know: paint me a pink commie lefty liberal alarmist tree-hugging nutjob. But before you do that, take a look at this. Climate change, my friends.
And in that article while reading about the myth of climate change, I saw a little nugget of information stating that China has overtaken the United States as the biggest polluter in the world. Is this the kind of country that you and I want to live in? Aren't we supposed to be #1 in all that we do? We're America, dammit! We're Number One! We're Number One! It's Not We're Number Two! There's a great responsibility that comes with being Number One in the world, and we have to live up to that responsibility. Burn some car tires; burn some styrofoam packaging; cover your trees, your children, your pets, your award-winning pumpkins in Aquanet. We need to get to #1 again.
***** *****
I was just reading an article about climate change. I know, I know: paint me a pink commie lefty liberal alarmist tree-hugging nutjob. But before you do that, take a look at this. Climate change, my friends.
And in that article while reading about the myth of climate change, I saw a little nugget of information stating that China has overtaken the United States as the biggest polluter in the world. Is this the kind of country that you and I want to live in? Aren't we supposed to be #1 in all that we do? We're America, dammit! We're Number One! We're Number One! It's Not We're Number Two! There's a great responsibility that comes with being Number One in the world, and we have to live up to that responsibility. Burn some car tires; burn some styrofoam packaging; cover your trees, your children, your pets, your award-winning pumpkins in Aquanet. We need to get to #1 again.
It's bad enough that we're not the top polluter anymore, but it's even worse knowing that we're the #7 countryin the world for executions! That's six countries that kill more of their own people than we do. We can do better, US government. It's high time that the citizens of this country started holding their politicians and their policies accountable. We can be number one at EVERYTHING and we should be. It's Yes We Can, people, not Maybe We Shouldn't.
We're the country of the Manhattan Project, Christmas Morning in Cambodia, and Rocky IV: The Final Chapter in The Search for Electric Spock Boogaloo . The people who accomplished those things had can-do attitudes. We need that again.
And once we get back on top of the executions and pollutions list, then we can set our aims high. Don't think you have abject poverty cornered, Zimbabwe and Haiti. We're coming on strong.
We're the country of the Manhattan Project, Christmas Morning in Cambodia, and Rocky IV: The Final Chapter in The Search for Electric Spock Boogaloo . The people who accomplished those things had can-do attitudes. We need that again.
And once we get back on top of the executions and pollutions list, then we can set our aims high. Don't think you have abject poverty cornered, Zimbabwe and Haiti. We're coming on strong.
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